I saw a man, today, while I was at a restaurant with my son. He stumbled by the window that we were sitting at, facing, eating our food. I avoided eye contact as he reached out to me, as if for help. It's what I've been taught to do by others, to avoid those who will pester and beg, endlessly, with no reason, when in a large city.

My son continued to stare after him, as he moved past us, to the couple beyond. They ignored him, as well, and he continued on past the corner where the place was located. He asked me if the man was alright. I turned to follow him, more carefully, with my eyes; if my son had asked the question I had better make sure that I was right about him.

He was stumbling, dangerously, now, near the intersection of two major streets beyond the SE bridges separating the true inner city of Portland from the less dense inner circles. I told my son that he was drunk as sin, and not to worry about him.

The man made it to the middle median of that road, and collapsed. I didn't notice until a few minutes later, when there was a crowd of people around him, trying to support him and help him. He was obviously homeless; torn pants, Native American. On the back of his framed backpack was written in permanent sharpie: "Chief ..." I can't remember the rest of his name.

It took me longer, because I didn't care at first. I kept eating, surprised, but not active in the way that I always have been, with compassion, and my disaster response training at hand. I wanted to keep my son safe, and it led me to be wary, beyond the point where I knew this man had fallen. I was almost amused, perhaps, at first, while I contemplated how drunk the man must've been.

It slowly dawned that that man might need help, and that none of the people around him might've had medical training that I did. I scarfed the last bite of my sandwich, told my son to do the same, and told him to sprint after me, grabbing anything that he couldn't finish.

An ambulance tore by. To a different place.

I ran across the street to find a large, potbellied, and amused, 'security guard' standing over the collapsed figure. I stopped. Made sure that my son was with me before the light changed. I asked him if he had first responder training. He smiled and nodded.

I turned around, after a bit of surveying the man, and left with my son.

We went back to the restaurant, to throw away the waste we'd left in haste. The efficient store personnel were already throwing it away. I tried to apologize. They turned, and made no effort to turn back as I tried to explain why we'd just left it there. They made, in fact, every effort to avoid engaging me at all.

We left, and I had to circle the block adjacent, though my pinched nerve was tuned up and putting me into agony. I had to see. The security guard was still standing over, disinterested. The man was still collapsed by the traffic sign. I wanted to go back, but I didn't. I never even took his pulse, or smelled to see if he was going into diabetic shock.

What the fuck happened to me? I didn't even realize how bad this was until now, after I cried at the loss of love on a couple of Doctor Who episodes. Is that which I treasure most... humanity and compassion... that which I've traveled thousands of miles to find... fading even in myself? I know how incompetent the professionals are, and I just took that incompetent $10/hr guard's word that the man was okay. I've been the man that's saved a life from people like that, and their incompetence, before.

God help me please let this just be my lack of meds. Don't let me pass this off as the right example to my son. I only question now, after so much heartbreak, selfishness, and indifference applied to me: Does it leave him open for pain, to care for others as I always have (but is maybe now fading), though, or is it more of an asset?

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I saw a man, today, while I was at a restaurant with my son. He stumbled by the window that we were sitting at, facing, eating our food. I avoided eye contact as he reached out to me, as if for help. It's what I've been taught to do by others, to avoid those who will pester and beg, endlessly, with no reason, when in a large city.

My son continued to stare after him, as he moved past us, to the couple beyond. They ignored him, as well, and he continued on past the corner
where the place was located. He asked me if the man was alright. I turned
to follow him, more carefully, with my eyes; if my son had asked the question I had better make sure that I was right about him.

He was stumbling, dangerously, now, near the intersection of two major streets beyond the SE bridges separating the true inner city of Portland from the less dense inner circles. I told my son that he was drunk as sin, and not to worry about him.

The man made it to the middle median of that road, and collapsed. I didn't notice until a few minutes later, when there was a crowd of people around him, trying to support him and help him. He was obviously homeless; torn pants, Native American. On the back of his framed backpack was written in permanent sharpie: "Chief ..." I can't remember the rest of his name.

It took me longer, because I didn't care at first. I kept eating,
surprised, but not active in the way that I always have been, with compassion, and my disaster response training at hand. I wanted to keep my son safe, and it led me to be wary, beyond the point where I knew this man had fallen. I was almost amused, perhaps, at first, while I contemplated
how drunk the man must've been.

It slowly dawned that that man might need help, and that none of the people around him might've had medical training that I did. I scarfed the last
bite of my sandwich, told my son to do the same, and told him to sprint after me, grabbing anything that he couldn't finish.

An ambulance tore by. To a different place.

I ran across the street to find a large, potbellied, and amused, 'security guard' standing over the collapsed figure. I stopped. Made sure that my son was with me before the light changed. I asked him if he had first responder training. He smiled and nodded.

I turned around, after a bit of surveying the man, and left with my son.

We went back to the restaurant, to throw away the waste we'd left in haste. The efficient store personnel were already throwing it away. I tried to apologize. They turned, and made no effort to turn back as I tried to explain why we'd just left it there. They made, in fact, every effort to avoid engaging me at all.

We left, and I had to circle the block adjacent, though my pinched nerve
was tuned up and putting me into agony. I had to see. The security guard
was still standing over, disinterested. The man was still collapsed by the traffic sign. I wanted to go back, but I didn't. I never even took his pulse, or smelled to see if he was going into diabetic shock.

What the fuck happened to me? I didn't even realize how bad this was until now, after I cried at the loss of love on a couple of Doctor Who episodes. Is that which I treasure most... humanity and compassion... that which I've traveled thousands of miles to find... fading even in myself? I know how incompetent the professionals are, and I just took that incompetent $10/hr guard's word that the man was okay. I've been the man that's saved a life from people like that, and their incompetence, before.

God help me please let this just be my lack of meds. Don't let me pass this off as the right example to my son. I only question now, after so much heartbreak, selfishness, and indifference applied to me: Does it leave him open for pain, to care for others as I always have (but is maybe now fading), though, or is it more of an asset?

---
þ Synchronet þ Tinfoil Tetrahedron BBS telnet or ssh -p 2222 to tinfoil.synchro.net

We are so bombarded with brazen and careless acts today that apathy doesn't shock me anymore.

But you made a crucial first step in a very positive way, you see the need for change.

Whether you are religious or not, I think these scriptures help Galatians 5 19-21 and 5 22-23.

They speak volumes about the truth of the matter.

19 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and they are sexual immorality,* uncleanness, brazen conduct,* 20 idolatry, spiritism,* hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties,* and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom.

But here is the good uptake, about those who see the need to change

22 On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,* kindness, goodness,+ faith, 23 mildness, self-control.+ Against
such things there is no law.

I think you will show your child the "fruitage of the spirit", now that you
see the issue clearly before you.

Denny's Computers - Not for profit computer repair - dpccom.blogspot.com

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Re: Re: A Homeless Man Collapsed Today; I did nothing. 5oct14
By: Hylian to Khelair on Mon Oct 06 2014 05:31:55

We are so bombarded with brazen and careless acts today that apathy doesn't shock me anymore.

The extent of it never surprises me anymore; in other people. What I've found surprising lately is that I'm in a city where it seems like people go out of their way to care, though many times it's a front, required by the mentality of the city for 'status cred'. I've never been in a city that is like this, at least in this neighborhood.
What really surprised me is that I saw it in myself. I've never been that guy before; I've got the training, I'm always the one running towards disaster, should there be others who need help. Like I said, I've saved lives that other people with the same training botched, too. It shocked me, that I could still think I was the same person, and yet have found myself sitting there so very long, without having done anything.
Maybe part of it was the crazy person that accosted my son and I, when I was bringing him back from school the other day. Still, such indifference; one crazy person does not warrant pulling away from any who need help. It occurs to me that in a setting so very different in population density from any that I've ever spent any serious time in before, perhaps I would be more confident in my training to assist people, were I to be packing, as I've also been fully trained in. :P Sorry, I know that's not where you were going with this, but it just occurred to me.

But you made a crucial first step in a very positive way, you see the need for change.

I'm certainly glad that I saw it. I would not want such activity to go by me, for whatever reason, unchallenged. That's simply not who I am, nor is it the example I have ever set for my son, and I sure as hell don't want to start now.

Whether you are religious or not, I think these scriptures help Galatians 5 19-21 and 5 22-23.

My views on Christianity have nothing to do with my spirituality. Nor do they have much to do with the fact that the Dead Sea Scrolls were quite legitimate records... Though the proof that they've been edited, and carefully selected for canon purposes by politicians, not just religious 'experts', is in the history of the different 'King James' versioning, for all to see, if they are curious enough to look.
I know the canon bible very well, thanks to my parents' doomsday cult. I guess you could say a lot of it is burned into my brain.

They speak volumes about the truth of the matter.
19 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and they are sexual immorality,* uncleanness, brazen conduct,* 20 idolatry, spiritism,* hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties,* and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom.

But here is the good uptake, about those who see the need to change

22 On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,* kindness, goodness,+ faith, 23 mildness, self-control.+ Against such things there is no law.

I agree with this last bit, completely. Within the control of the [sociologically strengthened] urges for materialism, selfishness, and greed, and the temperance and moderance of such urges, is to be found the universal good. Call it what you will, it is not confined to any faith. Such is the way, as you warned me about, to committing such works of the flesh as 'hostility, strife, dissensions (should I understand how you mean this correctly), divisions (certainly), sects', and the like.
My faith and beliefs rely completely on this control over the mind, and thus the body's actions, as well.

I think you will show your child the "fruitage of the spirit", now that you see the issue clearly before you.

I spoke to him this morning, and we will be talking about it at length upon his return from school today. That's an event that cannot go without review, not if I want him to have the correct understanding. My personal example was wrong; he needs to know that _I know that_, and that I see and will act upon my own need to change.
Those who do not understand the need for constant self-awareness, and evaluations of ones actions, nor the need to act for longterm change upon them, are those who blindly follow the paths that are exploited for control and repression of humanity today, in all of its possibility.

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