• To She Who No Longer Loves Me

    From Khelair@VERT/TINFOIL to All on Saturday, June 07, 2014 23:05:52
    To She Who No Longer Loves Me (it may be that it is rightly so; the fact of the matter I do not know)

    With the full onslaught of the brain-weasels, now, it is time to take the medication, as it is prescribed, to shut them down, and ensure a good rest. Tomorrow, I have a lot of writing to do; and a lot of planning, as well. The next day comes the retrieval of my cat, if possible; if he's not already dead, from the care that was taken with him, and the promise that was broken to me.

    Why do people ever settle for thinking that they know best, when other lives are at stake? I'm talking about my cat, but also about humans. Some that have no choice in where they are at, or the environment in which they are shaped. Why? Why not ask for help, sort through it, to make sure it makes sense, and isn't somebody with an ulterior motive, and if it helps you, use it? We all have blind spots; to pretend that they are not there is to be less than self-aware.

    I am so sorry that I was not the doctor. I will be okay. Dear god, I hope that you will, too. I will try to go forth and only heal. I will use more care in doing so, and I will not push, when I see the ice in the eye. In fact, the next time I see the ice in the eye, about me, I'm turning the other fucking way. It's a defense mechanism that shuts off feeling all together, and reacts violently, against outside influence, in order to protect the fragile lies inside. All it would take is pulling the gauze of those lies apart, and many, many motherfucking tears . . . Then your life might find true happiness, trust, and love, once again. You did not pull that trigger. In order to go on, you must learn that the cold defense that you learned, when people mistreated you so badly, might not be the best defense any more. It worked; it protected you, it got you this far. Now, though, if you want to pass on love, and happiness, to the others around you (even if you don't believe you deserve it yourself), you need to learn to put that shield down again, and feel; look where it hurts, to pull out the infection, before it goes septic. You do deserve that love, happiness, and peace. It's just waiting on the other side of those tears. I wish I could have cried them with you.

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

    This need not feel so strange; pay attention to Lady
    Liberty's Anklets, if you're so inclined.

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

    ---
    þ Synchronet þ Tinfoil Tetrahedron BBS telnet or ssh: tinfoil.synchro.net